Sometimes society makes me sad.

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I just read this article here about a 17-year-old survivor of a sexual assault who could be facing jail time/fines for Tweeting the names of her attackers and violating a court order that said that she was to keep their names confidential. And I am very, very, upset about that.

I understand that for juvenile offenders, the inclination is to be forgiving and to say that sometimes, it’s an error in judgment that they shouldn’t be held accountable for “youthful indiscretions” their entire life. But sexually assaulting someone, not to mention disseminating photos of it, is not a “youthful indiscretion.” I’m not sure how old the boys are, and the details of their plea agreement are not available to the public, but I think that they should be held accountable for their actions. I can’t believe that we live in a society where it was even an option to have a court order that forbade the releasing of their names. Studies have shown that on colleges, at least, 9 out of 10 rapes are committed by repeat offenders. That means that it’s highly unlikely that the two assaulters just “made a mistake” and are really “good people.”

And even on that note, it bothers me how when it comes to sexual violence, our society concerns itself more with the perpetrators than the survivors. Earlier this week, a friend of mine posted this image, which I think really highlights what goes on.

This is a perfect example on how victim blaming works in society.

I’d like to bring your attention to this line: “Tell me, do you really want to ruin his life because of your mistake?” And more often than not, that’s the case. XYZ couldn’t have raped someone because he’s a “good guy.” Eff that. Only a small percentage of men rape, and most importantly, most of those start off in their late teens. Most men, even if given the opportunity to do so, would not rape. Doesn’t that tell you something? It’s not an issue of mistakes and misunderstandings. It’s a serious, egregious crime that is not taken as seriously as it needs to be.

Addendum: So another friend of mine asked me about the details of this case. They are pretty limited, but here are some other things that I found. The boys were convicted of 1st degree sexual abuse, which in Kentucky is defined as forced sexual contact (among other things, but this one seems to be the most likely) and misdemeanor voyeurism. Also, according to the original article, she wasn’t even aware of the plea agreement until it was declared in court, and she’s stated that she does not believe that whatever sentencing the boys received is fair.

Addendum x2: As of a ridiculously early morning on 7/24/12, I found this article saying that the contempt charges have been dropped.

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Charity & Solidarity

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So I was on Facebook yesterday (and those who know me know that I am actually surprisingly productive on it, meaning that I use Facebook as a venue for posting interesting articles and theoretically stimulating interesting and provocative discussions among my friends) and I came across this image:

Image

Anyway, it really resonated with me for several reasons:

  1. Whenever I’m walking out of the grocery store or whatnot, and someone comes up to me asking me to donate to XYZ cause. Usually I’ll take the information they pass me and then look into it, but after all of the controversy surrounding The Salvation Army and their anti-gay tendencies, I want to make sure that if I do choose to donate somewhere, that it isn’t supporting something that I’m actually against. So I do want to make it clear that I think that there’s nothing wrong with donations (as a matter of fact, I believe very strongly in supporting causes that need funding, i.e., family planning clinics or domestic violence shelters), per se, but that brings me to my next point.
  2. That being said, I think the problem with charity is that often, people think that it’s sufficient to just throw money at a problem, clap their hands, and consider themselves having fulfilled their civic duty. And that’s something that I think is a serious issue. Often, problems arise because of systemic inequity and cannot be solved purely through money. While money can be a short term solution, as I cited above, the focus should also be on prioritizing these issues so that they no longer exist. So back to the clinics/shelters–my hope is that we’ll be able to become a culture that values bodily integrity and autonomy and treats domestic violence as a serious issue, thus rendering the dire need for funding moot, because everyone will care about the issue and take more active means to promote comprehensive sex ed or prosecute batterers.
  3. Whenever it’s an international issue, stereotypes abound. The typical “white savior complex” appears. In particular, a recent, salient example comes to mind: the “Kony 2012” campaign. I know that my friends (predominantly, though not solely, white) who reposted the image/links or donated did so out of a genuine intention to help. But the problem is stil that at the end of the day, what really happens?

As a teacher, I’d like to think that I’m in the trenches and exhibiting solidarity, and charity. I’m with these kids because I believe that they can succeed and I can help them do so–and that it’s not enough that I’m just “there” in the classroom.

Teaching Language

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Not in the customary sense of teaching an actual language, although I am a high school language arts teacher. Rather, this post is about the instance(s) that sparked the creation of this blog. I had been in a bit of a writing slump, partly due to the fact that I found my old blog unwieldy. So after unexpectedly waking up this morning, I was mulling around trying to go back to sleep. My thoughts wandered to the past couple of days, which were my first days of teaching.

So the first day of class, my co-teachers and I walk in, and we can smell trouble brewing. By the time we get up to teach, the kids are ready to eat us alive. And they more or less do. We start what I’ve learned in teacher-land is called a “whip-around,” though I referred to it as an ice-breaker. The kids were supposed to find an adjective that described themselves that matched the first letter of their name. I was “Lively Ms. L” (although I’ll readily admit I probably was not that lively when I said that). Anyway, one of the kids, R, could not think of a word. His classmates immediately started snickering and muttering, “Retarded R.” R was embarrassed and after a few days with him, I’m not sure he doesn’t need specialized attention.

And I balked. My mind was spinning. If I said, “Watch your language,” I might have derailed the entire lesson by explaining to them why that was inappropriate language, as it’s not universal that people understand ableism. And while that was something I have no problem doing in regular conversation, this was different. I had 11 days to get these kids’ reading levels up to grade level and teach them reading strategy. Monday was supposed to be on behavior management, so that they could behave in class so they could learn. If I derailed the entire lesson, that would go out the window, and we were already running so far behind. When addressing bad language/behavior, we’re told to say, “Don’t do X” and move on, so as to minimally disrupt teaching (which makes sense in context). However, I’m not used to that–because in adult situations, if I told that to a peer, they’d (kind of rightfully) cuss me out. So as much as I wanted to stop and point this out, I couldn’t do it. So I pretended that I didn’t hear.

The other part to this story (yeah, it’s a long one) follows up from yesterday. I got up in front of the class and this time, R instigated the trouble. He started singing softly to himself, “Ching chong.” Now, I happen to be Chinese, although to follow along with my “rule,” I guess, I should add that this doesn’t matter and that you don’t have to be in the marginalized group to be bothered by something. That being said, being the model minority has its own difficulties to navigate. Anyway, I did the same thing. And I’m bothered by it. I don’t think these types of behavior are done from a malicious center, but a lack of education. After all, there is a girl in the class who is borderline MR and the kids defer to her special needs.The question is: how can I do that?

These are not young children with no perception of language. These are teenagers who have probably seen more hardships than I ever will. I’m facing a struggle between my teacher self, who has to pick what battles to fight in a class with little to no customization to behavior management (the first day of teaching was a zoo–there were sticks of gum being thrown, kids walking out of class, you name it, it probably happened), and my feminist self, who tries to go out of her way to educate people on the harms of -ist language.

I guess what I should have done was to go up to R after class and to explain to him, and then separately take the other boys aside too. And that’s probably what I’ll try to do. However, I didn’t know all of the boys’ names at that point, and I had a hard enough time tracking one of them down yesterday for an unrelated issue. That’s not a sufficient defense by any means, but I just wanted to highlight the entire story.

I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with it (and issues similar to it). Our classroom’s management has drastically improved, which means that hopefully, once the class progresses and I establish a good enough relationship with the students, I’ll be able to pull them aside to discuss them.